Blending the balance of our desires and beliefs is an ever-going process in our lives. Speaking to you as someone who’s struggled, at times, with his faith and his urges as a man, I believe I have a unique perspective on how the two fit together. It is natural to want to stay true to what we believe in. And for most Christian men, it is important that love occur within the boundaries of church. One of those boundaries is that sex should only happen once married. This is not a belief for us to judge since there are validities of free will choices for us all in whether we follow it or not.
Ancient cultures used to believe that when partaking in sex, a part of the other person’s soul would mingle with yours, and that you’d carry that person around with you for the rest of your life. The doctrine to keep your virginity for your wife is a wise one, when you consider this in some respect.
This can present a challenge for men who strive to remain strong in their faith. How do continue to attract a woman and foster a relationship if you have to wait until marriage to consummate it? It is truly a difficult union for anyone who is married and incompatible therefore, sex is important. Here is some advice I’ve come up with specifically for men who face this issue of romance vs. faith.
1. Clarify your beliefs Keep in mind that things will be easier when you clarify your beliefs, since it is your faith, which guides you through your life. God gave us free will and the ability to think and reason. It is up to us to look at all our options and decide what path to take. You may believe in some of what the Church teaches, but not all. Or, you may embrace all of the Church’s teachings. Your choice is your own; however, you must be clear of your belief and stand strong.
2. Be aware that God has a plan for you. Keep your faith that God has a plan for you and the woman you are meant to be with when the two of you are united. But there is only so much God can do! After all, we are beings of free will, and it is up to us to take action and seize the opportunities God presents to us. To find the right woman for you, you must be proactive. Going out to meet women, getting to know them and dating are not things that just happen unexpectedly. You have to make it happen. Your beliefs help you stay on the plan for your life.
3. Understand that virginity is not mysterious or essential. Sex is simply an act, whether virginity is in question or not. It comes naturally as does walking, talking and breathing. We do these things. Man was meant to be fruitful and multiply. Sex is one of the greatest gifts we have from God. It is pleasurable because he meant for us to have sex. Virginity may be sacred, however, it is meant to be given or lost. Your challenge is to seek out the right person with whom to share your sexuality. Sex has a spiritual aspect of course, since it is an aspect of finding the woman who makes you feel so very alive, whole and loved. The spiritual aspect of sex is different from the act of sex, since it touches you within a deeper level. It is this type of intimacy you should strive to achieve before marriage, because this will help you to know if the physical aspect will be in tune as well. Intimacy with women is nothing to be afraid of, hugging, touching and kissing are natural urges and reactions. Nevertheless, true intimacy comes for sharing your hopes and dreams with each other while staring deeply into each others eyes.
4. Women are real people with no need of a pedestal. You might be tempted to place a woman on a pedestal when your faith places sex as so important. You may think of a woman as some delicate flower goddess that is treated special and treasured. But women are no different from me. God cut us both from the same cloth. To treat a woman as though she is special, just because you are sexually attracted to her, is not the same as respecting her.
Loving an ideal is easy, although it is difficult at times to love reality. Remember women too get cranky when hungry, awakens with morning breath and asks you to take out the garbage. This is reality. Rather than idealizing a woman, you have to learn to love the reality of her. Sex is only one of her aspects, since as humans we share many of the same qualities. Understanding that women as people are just like men, this enables us to gain a better perspective of whether we are meant to share our lives with them.
Joseph Matthews is the author of the internet’s #1 resource on how to meet women – the Art of Approaching. You can sign up for his free Meet Women Crash Course by visiting his website http://www.artofapproaching.com. If you would like to read an alternate version of this article on Picking Up Women you can do so here.
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